He Proposed In Front Of 200 People. I Said No.

I need to be very specific about how many times I told him.

You know how lately everyone is talking about grand proposals? That couple who booked out the whole of Sunway Lagoon just for their wedding — Malaysians were going crazy over it, sharing it everywhere, saying it was the most romantic thing. Rafiq saw that and his eyes went a certain way that I recognized. I should have said something then.

Rafiq and I had been together for three years. Good years, mostly. He is thoughtful in most ways — remembers the names of my friends, knows I don't like cilantro, has driven forty minutes to bring me panadol when I was sick. But there is one thing I told him, clearly, multiple times.

I hate public proposals.

First time: we were watching a viral proposal video together, flash mob, big crowd, everyone crying. I said: "I would genuinely combust if someone did that to me. Like, not joking. I would leave."

He laughed. I thought we were on the same page.

Second time: his colleague got proposed to at Pavilion in front of a crowd. He said "so sweet kan?" I said: "Rafiq, I'm serious, please don't ever do something like that. I won't be okay."

He said, "okay okay, noted."

Third time was the most clear. We were talking about the future and proposals came up and I said specifically: "I want it to be private. Just us. No family, no friends, no strangers. Can you promise me that?" He said yes. I believed him.

Cut to last month. My cousin's wedding reception. Post-Asar, garden setup, about 200 guests — my whole extended family, relatives I haven't seen in years, my nenek who came from Johor, my colleagues, my parents.

The emcee stopped the programme. Rafiq walked in from the side. He had a ring. There was a spotlight that came from somewhere.

I felt every single person in that room look at me.

He got down on one knee.

I said no.

Not loudly. But clearly. I said: "Rafiq, I told you. I told you." I said it twice. Then I walked out.

The room was quiet for a long time after that.

I am now somehow the villain of this story. My aunties have been calling my mum. The family WhatsApp group has been busy. The general consensus is that I embarrassed him, that I should have just said yes and "handled it later," that I ruined my cousin's wedding day.

Rafiq called two days after. He said he thought I'd be swept up in the moment. He thought the setting — the family, the occasion, everyone watching — would make me feel differently. He said he just wanted it to be special.

I asked him: "What about the three times I told you what I wanted? Weren't those special?"

He didn't have a good answer.

We haven't spoken since. I don't know if we're broken up. I don't know if what he did was love or ego. I just know I told him three times, and he decided the proposal he imagined mattered more than the answer I already gave him.