Not Your Boyfriend But Somehow Jealous

Haziq told me from the start that he wasn't ready for a relationship. His exact words: "I just got out of something heavy, and I need time." I respected that. I really did. I didn't push. I didn't drop hints about being official. I just... existed. In his orbit. On his terms.

We'd hang out two, three times a week. Always at his place or mine. Never in public, never with friends, never anywhere that would make it look like we were together. He'd text me "good morning" and "goodnight" every single day. He'd call me sayang when we were alone. He'd hold my hand under the blanket during movie nights. But the moment I tried to define it — even loosely — he'd pull back.

"Why do we need labels?" he said once. "Can't we just enjoy what we have?"

So I tried to enjoy what we had. For five months, I tried.

Then something shifted in me. I realised I was putting my whole life on pause for someone who wouldn't even call me his girlfriend. I was saying no to outings because he might text. I was avoiding posting on social media because I didn't want to upset him. I was shrinking myself to fit into a space he refused to name.

So I stopped. Slowly at first. I started going out with friends again. Joined a weekend hiking group. Started cooking, reading, doing all the things I used to do before I made him my whole world.

One Saturday, I went to a friend's birthday dinner. A group of eight of us, mixed guys and girls, nothing romantic. Someone took a photo of the whole table and tagged me. I posted it on my Instagram story. Didn't think twice about it.

That night, Haziq texted me eleven times. Eleven.

"Who's that guy next to you?" "Since when you go out like this?" "Why didn't you tell me you were going out?" "Are you seeing someone?"

Eleven messages. From a man who told me he didn't want a relationship.

I explained it was a group dinner. Just friends. The guy next to me was my friend's colleague. Nothing happened. Nothing was going to happen.

He went cold. For an entire week, he barely spoke to me. One-word replies. No calls. No "goodnight." When I finally confronted him about it, he said I was "making things complicated."

Me. I was making things complicated. Not the man who wanted all the benefits of a relationship with none of the responsibility. Not the man who called me sayang in private but treated me like a stranger in public. Not the man who refused to commit but lost his mind when he thought someone else might.

I just want to know: am I wrong for being confused? Because it feels like I'm living in a game where the rules change every time I start to figure them out.